Renewal

The remainder of the cycle wound down without much drama.  My husband and had reconciled, by way of communication--why is it that is so hard to do from the get go?  Every Saturday before Easter we go to family out of town to celebrate Easter, this was nine days post ovulation (dpo) and there was no point in testing.

We had a good time, played games including sack races.  I managed to not kill myself but went "splat" a few times.  We found out that one of my husband's cousins was having twins.  Normally that sort of news would have made me feel sad, but it did not.  In fact I found myself wanting to say we were pregnant too!  I could not believe how strong the urge was, but decided it was the excitement of the day paired with the desire to spill our secret of even trying again.

When we left I felt good, but expressed my jealousy about the twins announcement to my husband.  He  too admitted he was a bit on the jealous side and be both just let it go.  I slept the majority of the drive home.

We stayed up late playing "Easter Bunny" preparing our children's baskets and the treasure hunt to find their hidden baskets.  We were up way too late and both of us slept like rocks!
The next morning we were woke by excited children and one frustrated one because the riddle was too hard and that "easter bunny wasn't being nice."  I suggested the help of his brother and soon the wayward basket was located.  I was so cozy I just didn't want to leave and was contemplating skipping church altogether.  We had forgot to set our alarms and were already running late.

My bladder is what pulled me from the bed finally.  Day 10 post ovulation.  I stood for a moment in front of the medicine cabinet mocking my stupidity for even wanting to test before my period was even due.  I couldn't hold my urine any longer and grabbed my trusty mug--designated for the lonely purpose of catching pee.  I didn't have to actually dip the pee stick, I could still dump it.

As I sat there, thinking about how it was highly unlikely that we could be pregnant I realized I would dip that stick simply because that is what I do.  No matter how outwardly pessimistic I can seem I cling to the hope inside of me.

I turned on the shower and tore open the package, laughing at myself and plunged the absorbent tip into the warm lemon colored liquid.  I pulled it out, capped it and stuck it in the medicine cabinet.  I jumped in the shower and took a speed shower--no need to shave my legs as AF would be coming soon.  Thanks to 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner I can get in and out in five minutes.

Still dripping wet I fling the cabinet open and pull the stick into my line of sight.  Nothing but another indent line.  I throw it back in the cabinet and quickly dry myself off and get dressed, brush out my hair, and throw on some make-up.  Stupid indents!  Those are the worst, but I have come to not trust any line, especially this early.

Like an addict, I have to look again.  The indent remained and it even looked slightly pink!  How cruel is that, it had been awhile since I had a slightly pink line.  I tossed it into the cabinet and acknowledged it was past readability time anyway and let my husband have the bathroom, while I got the kids dressed.  That test and that evil pink line kept nagging at me.  Back a third time.  This indent was different.

As soon as my husband gets out if the shower I make him look at it.  He sees it, but doubts it as I do.  I decide I am crazy, but take a picture an upload it to the test tweakers on Babycenter.  We go to church.

We come home and again I look at the test.  It truly is different than any others, especially this early.  We quickly let the dogs out and prepare their food before leaving for my parent's house for Easter dinner.  Before I heads to the van I pull up babycenter to see if anyone responded.  One of the main tweakers call it an evaporation line, another viewer agrees, but 3 viewers are optimistic and say it looks like the start of something...yeah, it was too good to be true.

The rest of the afternoon, I don't think about the test.  I have accepted it is negative and enjoy my kids.  We stayed all afternoon and head home a little before 7 pm.  On the way home I realize I really have to pee and naturally think about the test once again.  I fill the mug and give it another go.  I know it will be stark white, that is how these things go.  Glimmer of a line, then the cruel non-line, whiter than white.

I stick it in the medicine cabinet, then pull it out again.  I decide I am going to watch that nasty white line appear only it doesn't.  Again it is pinkish, must be bad tests.  I check the timer and it has only been 3 minutes.  My eyes must be playing tricks on me because the line gets darker, not lighter.  I yell for my husband--but he took the dogs for a walk.  I get my daughter's opinion on a second line--she sees it.  She could see the second line on the first test too.

I could not believe it, I was actually pregnant.  4 years of regretting and nearly giving up, a year of making the reversal happen and 12 cycles of trying after the vasectomy reversal.  Finally we got our BFP!